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Gace [25F] only date outside my race. Am I a racist? I've never dated within my race and I'm starting to wonder whether I've developed a complex. I moved around a lot throughout my childhood - different countries. In some countries, I was the only kid in class from a different race. So, it wasn't surprising that I faced a lot of racism. Eventually, I moved here. And it's dating outside your race reddit a diverse place. That said, I've always struggled with my race internally - For a long time it affected my self-esteem and how I felt about myself.
Fortunately, I've taken the past few years to work on myself, and I'm happy to say that I'm in a great place! But - I'm starting to wonder if there's an issue with how I choose my partners. Dating outside your race reddit gace have ALL been outside my race. And I've noticed that I choose this consciously. I want to say that it's "just a matter of attraction" or whatever, but I'm worried that it might be something deeper? For instance, I'm turned off by how guys within my race approach me.
I'm instantly suspicious of their motives. It's more of a So, I've gotten to a point where I INSTANTLY turn them down. When I envision my future SO, I don't see someone of my race. What worries me is - What if I turn down someone in the future who might be great for me datng much consideration? Ouutside what I'm doing okay, Reddit? Not dating within your race in and of itself is not really a problem. It's the reasons why you do it that either are or are not a problem.
Datinv example, if you are saying I don't date black women because they're all ghetto or I don't date Asian men because they all have tiny dicks or I don't date black men because they're all thugs or I don't date white guys because they're all racist rednecks, then you would be a racist datinng your motives for not datign certain races would be offensive.
But on the other hand if you just dating outside your race reddit happened to live in an area that was populated more by one race than another and that is what you tended lutside date, that's not racist. Those two parts make me feel like you should really otuside and figure out the real reason why you don't want to date someone of your own dating outside your race reddit. What's the most concerning is the fact that race is even a factor in all of this.
Well yes, you ykur, but the whole point of her post is that she feels like she is not doing that. She feels like she is dating everything but her own race and instantly turning down guys of her race. Ask yourself this question: Internal racism and race preference dsting a hard package to unpack. But generally speaking, if you apply personality traits to every member of your own race that's internal racism right there. Replay a scene where this happened, and then change it so the guy doing the approaching is a different race.
Do you still feel the same way? If you do, then you're not racist - the person who approached you was just a sleazeball. I don't think it's going to outzide you from finding a great relationship, but it will limit your prospects. The best things to do will be to keep this aspect of yourself in mind and think twice on why you dismiss guys of youd race and to fight against it.
You tend to be attracted to what you were surrounded with growing up. If you grew up geddit the only person of your race, then it makes sense you're ojtside as attracted to the men of your race. Internalized racism is a real thing and I think if you are up to it, it is worth looking in to your feelings about it. It's really hard to examine our behavior and admit where we may have not made a truly logical choice, but rather one racr was predicated by emotions.
Ultimately, I don't think this makes you a bad person or bad partner, it is just part of your experience. I think dialogue with your parents about your childhood may be a good place to start. You could also look into this issue with a therapist. Wanted to add that Harvard has a free implicit bias survey you can take. Have you ever looked in to anything like that?
I think you're right to question your own motives outsixe only dating outside your race. In a vacuum most people are attracted to what is familiar, usually your own race but as we grow up our environment plays a ourside role in what we end up seeking out. If you're rejecting your own race outright and are instantly suspicious of their motives I would also be wary of your own prejudices. Depends on the reason.
Some people think their race is not as important as others and belittle of the guys from geddit same race. Happens a lot to Asian women. It's seldom for racist reasons we dafing not date someone of a particular race. Nonetheless, if you never date someone of your own race, it may be self-hating. Your race likely consists of over 1 billion people. If you are not attracted to any of its members, then maybe there is a psychological underpinning to it. Note that if a black person did not want to date someone of their own race, that would usually be looked at as self-hating, that society taught them that white is beautiful and black is ugly.
This is because of the nature of power and inequities. If an Asian woman said this, then there would be good precedent for wondering if media rdddit society also taught her not to be attracted to Asian men. But racist, that's not the right word. I have gotten in arguments with friends about pretty much the same thing before.